Tuesday, July 5, 2011


It is fundamental to our lives and relationships…. so why don’t we do it very often?  Why does almost everyone I know wait until their relationships are close to crisis, or they are extremely unhappy with something before they are willing to talk about it, especially when talking about things in their early stages would prevent so much heartache to begin with.

Is it the way we are made or is it the way we are raised?

I can’t figure it out.

There are some things that I am afraid to talk about, I think there are somethings that DH is afraid to talk about as well.  For different reasons and I am sure different subjects.  I don’t understand a bunch of his points, that is for sure.  How in the world does he think that I am more free than he is?  He only has to work around his work schedule, while I have to work around all the kids and his work schedule… and one thing he certainly can’t complain about is me clinging on him all the time and not letting him do stuff, like so many other men complain about.  He has actually complained about it the other way, that I don’t need him enough.  It would drive him up the wall if I was one of those “needy” women that couldn’t deal with life on my own.

I just simply wasn’t raised to be that way.  My father very early on instilled the need to be able to function on my own without someone to take care of me.   One thing my parents did not instill was the need for communication though, they never talked much, and neither did DH’s parents for that matter. 

There are things I regret, of course there are, I have said and done things that I shouldn’t have, there are also things that I wish I had said and done that I have never been brave enough to do.  I sometimes wonder what my life would look like if I had been braver at an earlier point in our marriage, before we fell into some of the ruts we are in now.

Nope I have to be unfailingly supportive though, even when decisions being made are not the ones I want made.  I have had my reasons, like for instance, coming to WA would open up new job opportunities and would really improve our lives, even though the last thing in the world I wanted to do was leave AK…. life improvement… HAHA… I don’t know that there is such a thing for DH.  When we moved down he told me that we would be able to move back up again in just a couple of years… and I thought “Ok we can do this for a couple of years.”  Now we are 5 years down the road and there is no end in sight for life in WA… true, we did just buy a house and that was largely on my instigation, but we aren’t going anywhere, the economy stinks, we don’t have a lot of money… and we are good and stuck.

So I am working on writing my book… it is a long time dream of mine to write a book, I have hopes that it will be good, I think that I have the ability to make it so, it just getting it done.  I am getting it done, it is just slow going, I hope that I am not pinning too many hopes on this project of mine… it be able to pay off the house in 5 years… that is my goal.  Only time will tell if I will be successful. 

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