Sigh

What to do, what to do?  It seems like we will never dig ourselves out of the hole left by our daughters illness and some bad financial decisions made in the past… they just keep coming back to bite you in the butt.  We are better than we were a year ago, or two years ago, but that isn’t saying all that much, but still progress is on the horizon I guess.

It’s easy to regret, but it really doesn’t change anything, and its also very easy to get very bitter in the regret.  “If he had only listened to me.”, “If only had had REALLY put my foot down.”, “If only his mother hadn’t talked him into____!”.  So many things, that I just wished I had put up with the crap then, so I wouldn’t have so much now.  That doesn’t change my choices does it?  No, it does not.

So I keep trying to go to my faith for support.  Honestly I keep feeling like they just want my money too, and wouldn’t it be so easy to be a nun?  They get taken care of and don’t have to worry about how to pay the bills or educate the kids…. that is I am sure overly simplistic, we each have burdens to match our station.  Still, doesn’t God know I am not that strong?  Really I am not as tough as, people seem to think I am, or really as I often pretend to be.