Please God, give me strength.
Strength to remain steadfast in my faith.
Strength to pass that faith on to my children,
and strength to continue to pray for a revival of faith in my husband, that he may be saved from this dark pit he has found himself in.
I am once again thinking about going back to school. Is this something I should do? I am teetering on the edge of decision. In one way I would really like to, but i am kind of afraid to at the same time. If my goal is to get educated so I can get a good job, its going to mean sending the kids to school. On the other hand if I did it, we could actually send them to the private school.
Do I want to be independent? It would mean I would be an equal or close to it anyway wage earner, with a retirement and everything. It would certainly make a huge difference in our finances in the long run, make them tighter in the short run though.
Decisions decisions….
I threw out my back last week, spent most of the weekend on the couch pretty much immobile. Might as well hold the baby right?
Now he is quite assured that that is the way life should be… well I suppose it should, he is only 4 months after all… but gosh, not only do I have the weekend to catch up on, I am still much slower than I usually am at the whole thing.
I am still waiting to hear if DH is going out of town on business, he said probably, but I haven’t heard back… from what he said he would be leaving tonight….
3 year olds are funny, sent I. to bed because she was just being a monster… she didn’t fuss about it, figured maybe she would actually take a nap and that would be a good thing… she pops out about 15 minutes later. “I’m happy now! Can I go down stairs?!?” Well I guess as long as she’s happy.
I think my sister put it best.
For children without their father, for a wife without her husband, for people without their friend, all due to a tragic accident.
Prayers Please.
What to do, what to do? It seems like we will never dig ourselves out of the hole left by our daughters illness and some bad financial decisions made in the past… they just keep coming back to bite you in the butt. We are better than we were a year ago, or two years ago, but that isn’t saying all that much, but still progress is on the horizon I guess.
It’s easy to regret, but it really doesn’t change anything, and its also very easy to get very bitter in the regret. “If he had only listened to me.”, “If only had had REALLY put my foot down.”, “If only his mother hadn’t talked him into____!”. So many things, that I just wished I had put up with the crap then, so I wouldn’t have so much now. That doesn’t change my choices does it? No, it does not.
So I keep trying to go to my faith for support. Honestly I keep feeling like they just want my money too, and wouldn’t it be so easy to be a nun? They get taken care of and don’t have to worry about how to pay the bills or educate the kids…. that is I am sure overly simplistic, we each have burdens to match our station. Still, doesn’t God know I am not that strong? Really I am not as tough as, people seem to think I am, or really as I often pretend to be.
Have you ever missed some place badly enough that you can actually physically feel it?
I have, it is an unpleasant feeling.
This has been brought on by the recent heat wave. Really heat makes me physically ill, it doesn’t matter how much I drink or what I wear. I wonder how I managed to survive when I lived in the south as a child. It has been 21 years, and I still vividly remember the misery the hot weather brought, especially when told that I couldn’t sit inside all day and was made to go outside into the furnace like outdoors. Ugh.
Now so many are lamenting the return of the cooler weather, and I just sigh in relief.
Wow.. check this out. We got a new computer, after oh…. only 7 years, amazing. It’s one of those things that you always put off because money is tight and you have other things to spend it on, but we finally did it.
